I am so sorry to hear about the passing of Ben. I too have just lost a love just this Monday passed, I know the void feeling and the asking of questions, but I do find comfort in pray asking for help of the hurt I am feeling. We can help each other heal. I don't know if you are a reader of the scriptures, but they do help ease the pain of hurt. Please read 2Corinthians 1:3,4 reading this did ease my pain and I hope it does the same for you also.